Thursday, March 21, 2013

Reason #478 that it sucks to be a mom

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know there are a lot of wonderful, sugary-sweet reasons that people love being Mommy.  Although, honestly, a lot of my reasons relate to how funny my daughter thinks the word "butt" is.  I mean, this kid regularly tells me that she wants to eat my butt in that weird voice kids do when they're trying to make sure you know they're telling a joke when they really don't know how to tell a joke.  Anyway, back to why it sucks because that actually sort of rules....

If you've read before, you know I have an almost 3 year old and a just turned 4 year old.  I insist on saying it that way because saying I have a 2.5 year old a 4 year old doesn't do justice to the chaos that is having two kids only fourteen months apart and most people don't assume I was stupid enough to have kids fourteen months apart.  Instead, they give me too much credit and assume I waited the more socially acceptable eighteen to twenty-four months, which is mathematically possible if I say 2.5 and 4.  See where I'm going with this?

One of the joys that comes from having two kids this age is that one is still hanging on to the terrible threes (don't let anyone fool you, the twos don't deserve the title of "terrible" when the threes are yet to come) and the other is just starting.  So imagine your unbearable three year old.  When they're at their worst, they give you like ten minutes of normal kid for every hour of monster, right?  Well, when one of my monsters is giving me my ten minutes of "I better drink/eat/shower/breathe/work/etc. now because you're not going to let me later" time, the other picks up the slack.  If someone is in a bad mood at my house, it's like a black cloud hanging over the entire block.  Beware.

Well, Kaia was in monster mode the other night.  Mikko recently picked out his very own frilly, pink Rapunzel nightgown.  He calls it his "knit-gone," which cracks me up every time.  Actually, maybe it's my bruiser son in a short pink nightgown with lace that makes me laugh, but it's hard to say.  Kaia wanted that nightgown.  Mind you, she's wearing Mikko's 2T Thomas and Friends jammies, so it's not like she's not stylin'.  She just wants everything that anyone else has, especially if THEY like it.  After telling her no about a dozen times, she says, "I'm taking those jammies from Mikko and I'm going to wear it and I'm going to take it away and I don't care."  Frankly, I stayed pretty calm for that nonsense.  I think she would struggle to take Mikko down at all, much less if he knows she is going to try and take away his precious 'Punzel.  I think my reaction was probably to laugh and say, "Oh is that right?" while I watched her do exactly nothing to steal said jammies.

After that, though, we got into the "I'm not going to do anything you say."  Need to go potty?  "NO!"  Come brush your teeth.  "NO!"  Fine, time to go to bed then, if you're not going to cooperate.  "NO!"  Then the pinchy fingers made an appearance.  She sort of claws up her hand in a very mean and intense fashion and then claws at anyone in her path, usually Mikko.  I guess I should probably call it the claw, but that conjures fun tickle fights with Jim Carry in Liar, Liar, rather than my kid behaving like a brat.

So Mikko got cut.  I think she lunged at his jugular and while her pinchy fingers weren't sharp enough to do any damage to his neck, they sure did a number on my patience.  I yelled.  She dissolved into tears and sheepishly climbed into bed.  I caved and snuggled her until she settled down, telling her that while it's not okay to scratch her brother, she doesn't need to cry, blah blah blah, confusing, emotional mother stuff, blah blah blah.

So, finally, all is quiet and I've sung some Miss Saigon and Les Mis, using a perhaps too broad interpretation of the word "lullaby," and I get up to turn out the lights when Miss K says, "Mommy, you don't like me anymore, you only like Mikko."  Stab. Me. In. The. F-ing. Heart.  So of course I talked to her about why I yelled at her and why I was defending Mikko and why it's not okay to scratch, but that I'll never stop loving her or liking her, no matter what.  Sadly, I will never unhear those words.  And because I have a daughter and I was once a teenage girl, I know that this is just a toe dipped into the ocean of horrible things my child will say to me one day that I will never unhear.  And this is why being Mommy sucks really, really bad.

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